The choice of a marriage partner is a very crucial decision to make. Marriage can make or unmake you. Such vital decision in life needs more attention and vigilance than what we actually give it. We have left probability and luck to take it course in the choice of a marriage partner. Thus the saying, "if you are lucky, you will get a good wife/husband". In other words, just make a choice and you may pick the right one. OK! What if you are not lucky? Then you are going to live your life in misery. Such a critical decision is too risky and unreasonable to be left on the scale of probability and luck. It is not a game, it's a life and death decision and you might end up ruining your life. Why don't you create your own luck where you are assured of getting the best marriage partner for yourself instead of letting probability decide. There is a saying that "luck is a dividend of sweatsweat, the more you sweat the luckier you get". Luck is worked. Don't choose a wife/husband because that is how everybody does it. The fact that so many people are doing it does not make it the right thing to do. These steps will not take you through the normal way, but it will guide you through the right way to make the right choice. All four tips are to be followed in the order in which it has been arranged.
Appearance and attraction
This is where most people confuse themselves and call it love at first sight. You can refer to lust and love(love at first sight) to read more on love at first sight. Appearance and attraction is the first thing that occurs upon meeting a potential marriage partner. There will be no love without attraction and there will be no attraction without positive appearance. Choose someone who is much appealing to your eyes. The way he/she looks and dresses should attract you. How a person dress and appears tells something about his/her behavior. So if he/she is so much attracted to you in dressing and in looks, that means the two of you have some common values, and there is the likelihood that you will like something about her behavior also. You should be careful not to be influenced by your colleagues or other third parties. It's good they give you advice but you should also understand that we all have different priorities and thus different ways of assessing situations. You are the one looking for a life partner and not your colleagues therefore do it your own way. Advice should be taken from worthy sources but should be tested and proven. Advice is meant to give you more information to help you make a choice. Like all other informations, it can be accurate or inaccurate, and that is why it should be tested and proven. Take advice but don't let it be the sole determinant of the choice you make, no matter who it is coming from. Unlike behavior, appearance is nothing hidden. OK, now you've seen this person, he/she is attracted to you. It now time to find out more.
Make him/her your friend and don't give yourself any chance to love him/her
Yes, this is not how everybody does it. Let me tell you how they do it. A man will meet a woman and if he finds her attractive, he will go forward and propose. The lady then accepts the proposal and they will enter into a relationship together and claim they are studying themselves. Some even end up having sex and do all kinds of things with the person they claim to be studying. By the time the studying will be over, results may be poor but both of them will begin to feel that they have gone too far to return.The next thing is they either get hurt on the way or they end up with the wrong person in marriage because their minds become corrupted and unable to assess the other party properly. If you don't want to end up this way, then this is what you should do. After knowing that he/she is attracted to you, make him/her your friend. You are in the best position to assess his/her behavior as a friend. Don't let him/her know your intentions else he/she might fake his/her behavior around you. Let me ask you this question, will you ever wear a dirty cloth to your boyfriends house? I guess your answer will be no. You will always try to be the best you can around your boy/girlfriend. So how will you know he/she is dirty since he/she doesn't act like that around you. The only way you can see is to first be his/her friend. He/she will not be aware you are studying him/her and will not have any tendency to hide anything. You will get him/her at his/her natural behavior.
You maybe wondering why I said don't give yourself the chance to love him/her. When you love the person before assessing her behavior, your emotions are affected and your mind is corrupted. When this happens you will not be able to rationally assess the behavior. That is what happens when you enter into the relationship before assessing his/her behavior. You might even get to know the person is having some kind of behavior which you don't like, but you will still find it difficult to let this person go because your emotions are corrupted. That is where people give excuses like; "love covers all things, I will take her as she is", but after marriage, love will not cover all things and they will be filing for a divorce. Love is a bond that is created as a result of constant interaction. It does not change a bad behavior. When you continuously play and interact with a mad man you will begin to have some kind of love for him. Does that change the fact that he is a mad man? No! Don't deceive yourself. A goat will always be a goat, no matter the love the owner will give it. Don't marry someone and expect their behavior to change because it will never change, go directly for what you want.
How can I decide not to love him/her
until I am ready? I know you want to ask that. Well, that is simple. Let look at the definition of love again. Love is the bond that is created as a result of continuous interactions. Love is not magical as others claim it is, you can always choose who to love and when to love. You will always know you are falling in love. Love grow as interactions grow. To reduce the risk of loving him/her, you will have to reduce the rate and the manner in which you interact with him/her. Don't spend so much time with him/her. Let a third party be involved in your interactions. Try not to get too much acquainted with him/her. It might be hard since he/she is attracted to you but it is worthing. It is your life partner we are talking about here. If you choose wrongly, you are going to leave a wrong life. You are doing all these to be in the best position to assess his/her behavior.
until I am ready? I know you want to ask that. Well, that is simple. Let look at the definition of love again. Love is the bond that is created as a result of continuous interactions. Love is not magical as others claim it is, you can always choose who to love and when to love. You will always know you are falling in love. Love grow as interactions grow. To reduce the risk of loving him/her, you will have to reduce the rate and the manner in which you interact with him/her. Don't spend so much time with him/her. Let a third party be involved in your interactions. Try not to get too much acquainted with him/her. It might be hard since he/she is attracted to you but it is worthing. It is your life partner we are talking about here. If you choose wrongly, you are going to leave a wrong life. You are doing all these to be in the best position to assess his/her behavior.
Values and behavior
There is one thing that I first want you to understand here. You are looking for the right person, and not a perfect being because you are not perfect yourself. The person may be having some bad behaviors which you don't like, but it should be something you can cope and not something you intend to change. If you can't cope with it, then there is a big NO. That is why you must also know yourself. Behavior is simply how a person reacts to a particular stimuli. How does he/she react when he/she doesn't have money? How does he/she react when he/she gets money? How does he/she react when he/she is offended? How does he/she react when he is happy? These and many more tells the behavior of a person. Unlike appearance, behavior is difficult to read, but there will always be a hint about a persons behavior. You might not know what is inside a parcel, but its shape, size and weight will tell you something about what is inside. Take a car covered with a tarpaulin for instance. You may not be there when the car was being covered but you can tell what is under the tarpaulin at the look of the shape. I have stated earlier that, even a person's appearance tells something about his/her behavior. This time around, it's not going to be difficult for you because you are not blinded by love. If you find anything you can't cope with in the behavior of the person, that is a red card. It will not be difficult to let the person go because you've got nothing to lose. If you are okay with his/her behavior, proceed to the next level.
Make your intentions known to him/her (proposal).
It now time to go for your husband/wife. You've done a great job, it now time to go for him/her. You don't need to need to worry about love. Once the attraction is there. The love between the two of you will grow as you begin to intensify your interactions.
If you can spend so many years in school and endure a lot of hardship just because you want to establish yourself in life, then choosing a life partner also worth that effort.
GOOD LUCK
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